Falling back in love with Running

Ever since I was a young girl, running has been a part of my life. Not because I, myself was always running, but because of my family. My brother was a runner. I remember my mom picking me up early from elementary school so we could get to my brothers cross country meets. Ah, I loved those meets. Running from spot to spot on the course to catch my brother and cheer him on with my mom and sister was always so invigorating.

But nope, I was a dancer. I had been taking dance class from the age of 4. For many of those awesome years, I never thought I would stop to switch to another sport. But middle school was approaching which meant that if I wanted to, I was able to join the cross country team. I had dabbled in running a bit in 5th and 6th grade. My dad was more than happy to help. He ran my first 5k race with me and went on many short, slow runs with me here and there so I could get in at least some sort of shape. Oof, when I tell you I hated those runs…. There was a lot of crying and frustration (I don’t know how my dad did it). But after the runs there was always a sense of pride, joy, and accomplishment. I decided to quit dancing and join the cross country team.

Cross Country Running

Going into 7th grade, I hadn’t yet gone through puberty. I was still very small. I wouldn’t say running was super easy, but it definitely wasn’t as hard as it was about to be after I went through body changes. Puberty was a ________.

Going into 8th grade, I was noticeably bigger. Like A cup to DD cup and clothes no longer fitting, kind of bigger. Running with a lot more weight and a bigger chest was definitely more of a challenge and factored in to me not being as active on the off season as much as I should have been. In turn I had slower race times and was one of the last runners on the team. I knew I was bigger and slower, but I didn’t really care how that affected me as a runner. I was having fun with my best friends and enjoyed being on a team. Subconsciously, I decided that I wasn’t going to treat cross country as this intense sport where I needed to be fast to to get the fullest experience. Cross country was the best part of school for me. But in all honesty, even though i was loving it, I admittedly had no motivation to better myself. That was until my last two years of high school.

Striving for better

I took a hard look in the mirror and realized that if I put in the work and really tried to be better at running, I could. And so I worked harder, ran more, I lost weight, and I got faster. I appreciated cross country and running in more ways than before. I loved being with my best friends and enjoying the community we built, but I also loved and appreciated the competition aspect of it as well. Striving to get PR’s, to get stronger, and to feel like my best self was unmatched.

Running was a huge part of my middle school/high school career. Being on the Cross Country team made these years that much more worth it. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

…or would I

Hello, College

For the first time in a long time I was no longer on a team that could hold me accountable. It was up to me whether or not I was going to make running a hobby of mine. So I tried really hard and made it a point to keep running. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t run nearly as much as I had in the past, but I felt good that I was able to motivate myself to do at least a fraction of it.

She a Runner, She a Track Star

And then I was then ready to grind. My sophomore, junior, and senior year I made it a conscious effort to run more. I started running heavily my sophomore year of college. For many different reasons, this year took a toll on me mentally and running was a way for me to relieve that stress and anxiety. It created a sense of stability. I found peace while running.

After switching schools, and being in a better head space, running was an added factor to keep that stability. I started finding fun and excitement while running. I found friends to run with and found ways to challenge myself, whether it was 5k races, half marathons, or easy runs around campus.

Let’s Run a Marathon

My senior year, I decided to take a marathon training class that my sister had also done when she was in school. I thought that was such a cool idea and was excited when I was able to add that class to my schedule. It felt amazing being able to be a part of a running community again. I had people to run with, something to hold me accountable, and a huge goal to achieve; A marathon! It was such an amazing feeling challenging myself every week mentally and physically. Being able to finish the marathon was even a more amazing feeling. And on top of that my body felt amazing. (How many times can i say amazing). To this day, finishing that marathon was one of my biggest accomplishments. But what happens next?

Life after Running the Marathon

After I ran that marathon, I felt like I had done what I needed to do. I had just completed the goal of all goals. After the race, maintaining the drive to keep running on a regular basis was tough, especially because I was no longer on a training schedule. I tried to keep myself motivated for about 2 years and then eventually I just lost it. Running became a chore I felt like I had to do as I noticed I was gaining weight.

And then the pandemic happened. Oh lord, that was a mess. A few months into it, I saw myself gaining more weight and realized that I needed to make running part of the weekly routine. But that’s the problem. I would only run as a means to try to lose weight quickly. I wasn’t having fun, I wasn’t enjoying it, and it wasn’t sustainable.

Disclaimer: By no means am I saying that running was always easy and fun. There were more than enough times where finding motivation was hard and runs were draining. But overall, for me, it was a feel good activity and the payoff was awesome.

Finding the Drive

That brings me to now. I find it sad looking through these pictures remembering how I felt and seeing that this last one was taken 4 years ago. I am beyond happy that running has been a part of my life and I am so fortunate to have fallen in love with it. And to be able to love it even when I hated it (if that makes sense). But It has been so sad to see my drive for it fade. I want to be able to take a picture looking as accomplished as I did in these photos and to have the desire I used to have to run. I want to feel mentally and physically strong like I did when I ran.

So I made a big goal for myself. I’m gonna do a half marathon at the start of summer. I asked my boyfriend and sister if they would want to do one and they were on board right away. Training has started and I’m not going to lie, it sucks. It sucks a lot right now. I am out of shape and it’s the worst feeling. But you guys, I am so excited to challenge myself, and bring back something that instilled so much confidence back to the forefront of my life.

I will keep you all updated on this running journey!